This past weekend, I went to my 25th high school reunion.  It was the first one I went to since I graduated.  Now there were many reasons for being absent from my 5, 10, 15 and 20 year reunions.  I moved away from my hometown to go to college.  I graduated and then proceeded to work in many different cities far away.  All of my immediate family moved down south during those years which left me no burning reason to head back "home."

None of those were the real reason I didn't go back to any of the reunions.  I had the money to go back but I did not have the desire.  You see, I didn’t enjoy high school that much.  By my junior year, I was really tired of the cliques, the teasing related to not having the “right” shoes, jeans, jackets or friends and with kids literally not interacting with you because you were not with the “in” crowd.

That’s when I decided to more or less go into a protective shell.  I focused on school and sports and socialized with a core group of friends that I knew I could trust.  Because of this decision, I missed out on a lot of the fun things associated with high school: homecoming, prom and the “cool” parties.

I left high school with a bitter taste in my mouth and thanked God it was over.  That bitterness, albeit in decreasing amounts, remained for the next 20 years and it was never low enough to make me want to go back to a reunion.

Since this year was the 25th, I decided it was time to go.  Enough time had passed, I thought, to go back and see what it would be like.  I honestly did not know whether I was going to love it or hate it until I walked in the door.

Much to my surprise, I had an absolute blast!  The years seemed to have melted away the protective layers that I had as a teenager and it seemed to have melted away others away as well.  The result was fun, playful discussions about high school followed by genuine discussions about how you are doing, what you are doing, where you live and more details about your family and your life.

The “kid” in most everyone seemed to be on display and because of that, discussions were open, unguarded and interesting.  I had more meaningful discussions with some classmates in five minutes than I did in four years of high school.

On the disappointing side, there were still some people hanging on to their high school “status".   Others seemed cold, distant and unwillingly or unable to be that playful teenager they once were. 

I feel bad for these individuals since they really missed a golden opportunity to genuinely reconnect with others and to reconnect with that inner “kid” in them.  I wanted them to have as much fun as I did!  The good news is there were only a handful that missed out.

What did I learn from all of this?

Remove Protective Layers – This experience just revalidated with me that it is impossible to have genuine, meaningful relationships when you have protective layers.  Working on removing those layers so you can be more honest and vulnerable will allow you to greatly improve existing relationship and create new ones that you never thought were possible.  Do you expose yourself to potentially getting hurt?  Sure you do, but the payback will far exceed any risk.


Be True to your “Inner Kid” – Do you know people that used to be fun that just aren’t anymore?  It seems like the years have sucked all the “joy of life” out of them.  At the core, I think we are all fun and happy kids and over the years we are taught to suppress that and in our adult life, we tend to discount its importance and put it on the back burner.

I do believe that the main reason the reunion was so much fun is that most of us were acting like silly teenagers and being true to our innate personalities.  We need to give ourselves permission to be our natural selves all the time and not suppress it.

Don’t Miss Out – Out of the 400 in our graduating class, only 100 made it to the reunion.  There were many people that weren’t there that I would have loved to talked to.  I know many of them didn't go for the same reasons I didn't go to the first four.  All I can say to them is that they missed out on a great opportunity.  Life is all about opportunities.  In order to play, you have to show up.  A lot of life is simply about showing up! 

I have had so many experiences where I didn’t want to do something but I still did and they turned out to be some of the best experiences I’ve had.   They are always a reminder that you will miss out on life if you don’t show up!

If we can peel back the protective layers, put our true self on display and simply participate in life, we will expose ourselves to all the potential in our lives and take control of it.

Think of how all our relationships will change if we apply these three principles.  The relationships with our spouse, children, friends, family, co-workers will change almost immediately.

Let's give it a try.  We have to get in the relationship game in order to make a difference.  In the end, the only things that matter are our relationships with others.   We must do our part and our relationships will flourish.     

As you can see, my reunion had a profound impact on me.  I would love to hear your thoughts and comments on similar experiences you’ve had.  I look forward to your input.

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